


Advice and Admissions

by kronette



Series: Doctor's Orders [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 3 of Doctor's Orders. "Listen carefully to me, Chief O'Brien," Garak enunciated clearly. "If you do not leave our quarters immediately, I will call security."</p><p>O'Brien laughed, a short, curt laugh.  "And tell them what? You and Julian had a lovers' spat, he kicked you out, and doesn't want to let you back in?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Advice and Admissions

**Author's Note:**

> One note of thanks and copyrighting. The character of Dariellah Maxwell belongs to Bartricia Williams. She's currently appearing in a sweeping saga called "Paradox." Check it out; it's great! Thanks for letting me borrow her, Trish!

"Julian-" Garak began greeting the doctor with his usual enthusiasm, but stopped short when he saw him. "Julian, what is it?"

Julian fell onto the couch, groaning. Tossing his head back, eyes closed, he said, "Miles thinks he's in love with me."

With his eyes closed, Julian missed Garak's hands clenching and the anger glittering in his azure eyes. "How did you ascertain this, Julian?" Garak asked as calmly as he could.

Groaning again, Julian pulled his head up to face Garak. "He told me."

Studying the doctor's flushed skin, Garak had a gut-wrenching feeling. "Did he - try anything?" he asked, watching Julian's expression carefully.

The other man blushed deeply, his eyes lowering a fraction. That was all Garak needed to know.

"He - he tried to kiss me, Elim, but that's all," Julian hastened to add, as Garak began moving toward the door. "Where do you think you're going?" he demanded.

"I'm going to inform the Chief that you are spoken for already, Julian," the tailor said through clenched teeth.

Julian rose to his feet. "You can't do that."

Garak turned to him, eyes wide and incredulous. "And why not? He's a married man, as I believe I told him a week ago!"

"That's not the point," Julian argued. "He's lonely right now. He doesn't know what he's saying."

"Does that give him the right to try to kiss you?" Garak asked, eyeridges raised questioningly.

"Of course not," Julian snapped, his emotions swirling out of control. "Elim, I don't want to get into this right now. I'm coming down with a headache." He rubbed his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly.

"We're down to the headache bit already, Julian?" Garak replied icily. "Very well. I'll just be on my way."

"What?" Julian looked up just as Garak pushed the release to the door. "Where are you going?" he cried, suddenly frightened.

"Back to my quarters, until you figure out just who it is you want," Garak said calmly. His eyes were anything but calm, a sapphire storm raging just below the surface. "When you want me, you know where I am."

With that, he turned and walked out. Julian stared at the door, his horrified eyes filling with tears.

****

"Mister Garak."

Garak was walking - quickly - back to his quarters, when Commander Maxwell stepped in front of him and refused to move.

"Can I help you, Commander?" Garak asked, only paying scant attention to Dariellah's folded arms or stern glare.

"Yes. I'd like to speak to you in private," she nodded towards Garak's door.

Nodding tiredly, Garak thumbed the release and entered his quarters. Dariellah followed, noting with surprise the boxes strewn about and the half-empty shelves. "Moving?" she inquired.

"Not anymore," Garak admitted before he caught himself. Pulling himself together, he addressed the commander. "You wanted to talk?"

"I was going to ask you the same question," she replied. Walking carefully around the boxes, she continued, "While I didn't like your attitude toward me in your shop, I noted you seemed agitated. Just now, you looked light-years away. Is something wrong?" She watched his expression carefully. "Are you and Julian having problems?"

Garak managed a thin smile. "My dear lady, I thought I was the perceptive one."

She smiled, not quite a pleasant smile. "Not today."

"I see." Garak knew enough that this woman demanded - and usually got - straight answers. This would be a tough one. "In that case, perhaps you should sit down. This could take awhile."

Obliging, she sank onto the closest chair. Crossing her legs, she fixed him with her stare. "Well?"

****

"I hope you don't mind me coming to you about this, Captain. I just - I usually talk to Jadzia, but she's on the Defiant, and I didn't know who else to turn to." Julian was seated in Sisko's quarters, having just told him most of what had happened between him, Miles and Garak.

Now, Benjamin was rubbing his chin, lips pursed. Finally, he spoke. "Of course I don't mind you coming to me, Julian. Since we don't have a counselor, and I've been through just about everything, I'd like to think my crew can come to me with their problems." He paused, looking directly at the younger man. "However, I'm afraid I've never been in  _quite_ your position before, doctor." He smiled, hoping to coax one out of Julian. No such luck.

"Captain, this isn't funny!" Julian cried. "I don't know what to do. I've only just gotten to know Elim - really know him. I've known Miles for a few years now, and well, while I like him as a friend, I can't see him in  _that_ way, if you know what I mean." At Sisko's nod, Julian continued. "But Elim's extremely jealous. He was even jealous of Dariellah, if you can believe that," Julian scoffed.

That got a raised eyebrow out of Benjamin. "Oh? And what were you and Dariellah doing that caused such jealousy?"

Julian was oblivious to the captain's amused expression. "She was trying on a gown in Elim's shop. She wanted a second opinion; I gave one. We were talking, and the next thing I knew, Elim's pulling me out of the shop!" He slumped down in his chair, his expression worried. "What should I do, Captain?"

The helplessness that Julian exuded touched Benjamin deeply.  _That_ was a position he felt eerily comfortable with. "Just be patient with him. Obviously, Garak hasn't had a lot of experience with trust. Be it in relationships or life itself. It's going to take time for him to learn to trust you."

"But I've given him no reason to be jealous," Julian argued softly. "He was supposed to move in today..."

Sisko's other eyebrow went up. "You asked him to move in? Already?" A low whistle. "You're a fast mover, Julian."

Julian's gaze flicked to the Captain's. "I know what I want, Captain. I want Elim."

"Why don't you tell him that," Benjamin suggested gently.

A smile slowly broke over Julian's face. "I'll do just that." He rose. "Thank you, Captain."

"Any time, doctor. I hope everything works out for you." Benjamin walked him to the door.

****

"I hope everything works out for you, Garak." Dariellah walked with the tailor to the door.

"I sincerely hope so too," Garak answered, grasping her elbow lightly. "Just a moment, Commander." At her quizzled expression, he continued. "I'd like to sincerely apologize for my behavior in my shop earlier. I'm afraid relationships are hard for me, and trust..."

"Is earned, I know." She smiled at him. "We just went through that. Apology accepted." She took his hand and squeezed it. "I mean it, good luck."

"Thank you Commander," Garak said with surprise. He was smiling by the time she left his quarters. "Julian, I hope you'll be as forgiving," he mused to his empty quarters.

****

"Elim, I hope you'll listen to me," Julian murmured to himself as he entered his quarters. As soon as he set foot inside, he stopped short.

"Miles, what are -  _how_ did you..." he stuttered, astonished to see the Chief sitting on his couch, in the middle of his quarters.

"I'm here to see you, Julian." Miles got up, walking over to the stunned man. "Aren't you glad to see me?"

"Of - of - of course I am," Julian stammered, cursing his tongue. "But why are you here?" He began his dance that he started in O'Brien's quarters -- backing slowly to the door.

Miles saw his movement this time, and quickly darted behind Julian, blocking his exit. "Not this time, Julian. I just want to talk, that's all."

"Talk." Julian didn't sound convinced.

"Talk," O'Brien confirmed. He extended his hand toward the couch, indicating the doctor should sit there.

He did so, reluctantly, keeping his eyes on O'Brien the entire time. "What did you want to talk about?"

"As if you didn't know," Miles teased, sitting close - too close - to Julian on the couch. "I never got to finish what I was saying to you earlier."

"About that..." Julian began, but Miles stopped him.

"No. I'm going to say it." Miles took a deep breath. "Julian, I love you."

Julian closed his eyes, hearing the words, not believing them, believing them, appalled, shocked, moved, a thousand emotions coursed through him, all clamoring for attention. Taking a shaky breath, Julian whispered, "Why?"

It was O'Brien's turn for shock. "What do you mean,  _why_? Hasn't anyone ever told you they loved you before?"

Luckily, O'Brien didn't expect an answer, because tears were starting to sneak out of the corners of Julian's tightly closed eyes.

O'Brien continued, oblivious. "I mean, sure you come across as arrogant at first, but after awhile, you're not bad. You listen to people, you're compassionate - must come with being a doctor - and you have the most amazing eyes." Miles stopped, looking at Julian finally. He noticed the wet streaks and started. "Julian, what's wrong?"

Julian just shook his head.

"Julian? Come on, tell me! What's wrong?" Miles took him by the shoulders, forcing the doctor to face him.

Choking back a sob, Julian opened his eyes, shining with tears. "Miles," he hiccuped, "Miles, I care about you. I really, honestly do. But not the way you want me to."

"Why not?" Miles demanded, tears threatening in his own eyes.

"Because you  _love_ me, but you're _IN love_ with Keiko." Julian let that sink in for a few seconds, then continued. "You can love lots of different people, but you're  _in love_ with those who touch your soul, who make life worth living. And I know that's how you feel about Keiko."

Seeing Miles' doubtful expression, Julian continued. "What's happening between you and Keiko is typical in two-Starfleet- career families. It happened all the time with my parents. They'd get to see each other maybe a month out of the year, and they'd spend half that time arguing. And every time they swore they'd divorce. You know they've been together 34 years?" he asked rhetorically.

Miles remained silent. When his silence continued, Julian grew worried. "Miles, are you okay?"

The engineer looked up finally, straight into Julian's eyes. "Oh, I'm fine," he assured the younger man. "I just think you're wrong, in my case." With that, he slipped his arms around Julian and pulled him into a kiss. A warm, soft, delicate kiss, one that cut straight through Julian.

It melted his insides, it made his heart pound, it made his ears ring. He didn't try to break this kiss; he deepened it, gently nudging Miles' lips open and darting his tongue inside the hot mouth. Whimpering, he tangled his long, delicate fingers in the curly brownish-blonde hair, pulling him closer. He felt himself being pushed back on the couch; felt the strong, rough hands slide inside the 'V' of his uniform, opening it wider. His own hands started tugging at a mustard-yellow shoulder, succeeding in getting it down to the elbow.

Miles pushed back, staring down at Julian, both of them panting. "I love you, Julian," Miles repeated softly.

More tears sprang to Julian's eyes. He found he couldn't speak; the lump in his throat was too great. Instead, keeping his eyes locked on Miles', he began pulling off the other man's uniform.

At just that particular moment, the doorchime rang. "Julian, it's me," Garak's voice echoed through the doctor's quarters.

Tears started to roll down Julian's cheeks. He pushed out from under Miles, trying and failing to put his uniform back together. He blinked; the tears continued to fall. "Just a minute, Elim," Julian called, his voice breaking.

"Julian?" Garak called through the door, concerned.

"Julian, how can you..." Miles began, his own eyes filling with tears. "What about us?"

The door opened, revealing Garak's shocked face. He simply stared at the two men on the couch: O'Brien, staring at Julian, his uniform top pulled down to his waist, and Julian, his head down, his uniform opened, his fingers clumsily trying to refasten it. O'Brien had just taken Julian by the shoulders and had turned him to face him.

"What about us?" O'Brien asked again, shaking Julian slightly.

Julian muttered something unintelligible, all rational thought completely gone. He lifted his tearstained face to Miles, then turned to Garak, still in shock.

"Elim," Julian moaned painfully. Tears continued to fall as he attempted to move away from O'Brien.

Something inside Garak clicked. He strode over to O'Brien, stared down at him, and demanded, "What are you doing in our quarters?"

"I was waiting for Julian in  _his_ quarters," O'Brien informed him angrily. "What are you doing here?"

Garak faltered for a second, then his steely resolve kicked in. "I was here to apologize to Julian. For my irrational behavior."

"Well, I'm sure it's appreciated," O'Brien shot back nastily. "Now would you kindly leave?"

Garak's eyes blazed like fire and ice. "I will not leave. _You_ will leave. Immediately."

"I'm not leaving," O'Brien stood up, face to face with the Cardassian. "I was here first, so I think you're the one who should be leaving." He poked him in the chest for emphasis.

"Listen carefully to me, Chief O'Brien," Garak enunciated clearly. "If you do not leave our quarters immediately, I will call security."

O'Brien laughed, a short, curt laugh. "And tell them what? You and Julian had a lovers' spat, he kicked you out, and doesn't want to let you back in?"

Garak's eyes narrowed to thin slits, the coldness shining like the Icelands of Earth. "Leave now, before they have to search for your remains with a DNA scanner."

"Don't threaten me, you bloody Cardie," O'Brien snarled, puffing out his chest and balling his fists.

"STOP IT!!!" The nearly hysterical scream snapped both their heads around. Julian was still on the couch, holding his hands over his ears, rocking back and forth slightly.

"Julian?" Garak and Miles glared at each other for daring to say Julian's name.

"Just stop it!" Julian begged. "I can't take this. I can't. I hate fighting. I hate that I'm the cause of this. I won't be the cause of this. I won't!" His head snapped up, his eyes fiercely glaring at both men. "I want you both out. NOW."

He saw Garak open his mouth, saw O'Brien start to make a move toward him, and said in cold tones, "Do not come near me. Do not attempt to contact me. Do not attempt to see me. If you do, I will have Odo throw you in the brig for harassment. Do I make myself clear?" The statement was made with deadly calm, as sure as the planets revolved around their suns. "Get out."

O'Brien found his voice. "Julian..."

"OUT."

Nodding glumly, O'Brien shot one last glare at Garak before turning on his heel and leaving.

Garak blinked at Julian, too stunned to move. His hand reached for Julian, who glared at it. "I mean it Garak. Get out."

The Cardassian didn't move. He just stared down at Julian, his face expressionless.

"Garak, did I not speak clearly enough? Did I not use words to your liking? I do not want to discuss this with you. Leave." When Garak still didn't make a move to leave, Julian stood up. "What are you waiting for?" He grasped the Cardassian's shoulders and turned him toward the door. He gave him a gentle push. Garak stopped as soon as Julian let him go.

"Garak, what are you doing? Leave! Get out! I don't want to deal with this right now. I can't deal with this. I can't..." Julian felt the tears starting anew, and angrily blinked them away.

"Julian, you want me to stay." Garak spoke softly, wheedling, coaxing.

"No I don't. I don't know what I want anymore," he admitted. "I have to think about this. I can't think clearly right now. Please, just leave," Julian pleaded once more.

Garak sensed he had gotten past the danger point and turned to the younger man. "Do you really want to be alone right now, Julian?" he asked quietly.

Julian's resolve crumbled. "No," he gasped. "Please, leave me alone," he pleaded one last time, a plea that sounded more wounded than angry.

"I know I've hurt you, Julian. I came here to apologize. I've apologized to Commander Maxwell as well. I understand you two hit it off quite well."

The sheer normalcy of Garak's monologue threw Julian's wild emotions into overload. He sank onto the floor, a heap of hurt, anger, guilt, embarrassment, and desperation. He was desperate...

"Garak."

The tailor kneeled in front of Julian. "Yes?" he asked softly. Garak nearly had to strain to hear the doctor's words, they were spoken on a breath.

"All I ever wanted was someone to love me. Say they loved me, and meant it. I never had that. I was a tennis ball, bounced between my parents for years. Palis thought I was going to be a brilliant surgeon in Paris; when she heard I entered Starfleet, she broke off our engagement. Tossed my ring back in my face, saying she never really loved me. Tom wasn't ready for any kind of commitment; he still had two more years of Academy to get through. Melora, for all her gratefulness, couldn't even stay here a year, a  _year_ to be with me. I have no one...."

Fresh tears were coursing down Julian's face; he didn't even notice them. Nor did he notice the tears on Garak's cheeks.

"I've learned to be on my own. To not need anyone. Then, in the space of one week, I have two options. Miles says he loves me, Garak. By nature, I don't believe him. I've trained myself to not believe it. But I want so desperately to believe it. I want to believe that someone loves me. You've never said you loved me. Why is that, Garak?"

Garak slowly realized that Julian had stopped speaking and was waiting for an answer. Wiping at his face, the tailor cleared his throat and said, "Julian, I have rarely, if ever, told the complete truth. I have been as honest with you as I have ever been with anyone." He took a deep breath. "I do care for you, Julian. I enjoy the time we spend together. You are a delight to behold. You are a charming man, handsome, playful yet brilliant. I'm captivated by you."

"But do you love me?" A pitiful voice, so alone, so lost.

"I can't honestly say. I've never loved someone before." An admission, spoken on a mere breath, barely reaching the doctor's ears.

When those words registered, Julian inhaled sharply, painfully, raising a shaky hand to touch the Cardassian's face.

"Elim...?" Julian whispered, seeing too many of his own emotions in those red-rimmed blue eyes.

Garak smiled wanly, taking a shaky breath. "The truth is hard to accept, Julian. Especially when it's your own truth." He sighed, closing his eyes and trying to regain his composure.

"I know. I know," Julian whispered hoarsely, his voice a strange mix of pain, understanding and sorrow.

"'Love is a many splendored thing...'" Garak quoted, his voice faltering, unable to continue. He opened his eyes, their clear depths boring into the younger man's. "Julian. Julian, please forgive me. I'm so sorry for walking out on you. I was selfish; foolish. I want to be with you. I want to move back in."

Julian's lower lip trembled and fresh tears threatened. He gulped, snuffling a few times. "Elim, I care about you deeply. I - I can forgive you, but I can't let you come back." Seeing the shock and hurt in Garak's eyes, Julian continued quickly, "I don't know what I want, Elim. One minute it's you; then Miles comes along, and it's him. Right now, I just want  _someone_. That's not fair to either of you." His hand curled around the Cardassian's neckridges, lightly rubbing them with a thumb. "Until I make a choice, I don't want to hurt either of you, Elim. I care about both of you too much to play with your emotions like this. I'd - I'd like you to leave now," Julian finished quietly, his eyes dropping to the floor.

Garak studied the younger man, knowing he spoke the truth, knew he did need time, but his heart cried out at the injustice of it all. Choking back a sob, Garak straightened his shoulders. "Julian, I will do as you wish. Just, please, come to a decision quickly," he pleaded gently.

The tailor's quiet tones nearly shook Julian's resolve. "I will. Please Elim, just go," he whispered. His hand dropped from the tailor's neck as Garak rose.

Julian felt every footstep that Garak took across the room. He felt the slight tremors, the hesitant stop at the threshold, then the quicker step through the door. The last sound he heard before he collapsed crying onto the floor was of the door hissing shut, leaving him alone.

The End


End file.
